Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
