Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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