whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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