this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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