he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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