I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
