My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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