it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
