Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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