ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
