Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I have aggressive nipples.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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