Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
