I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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