either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
