i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
