You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
