Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
