You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
