I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
