hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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