i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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