If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
