making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
