remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
