how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Send help, water and tortillas.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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