I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
