The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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