why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Randomize
