I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
