Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
