how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
