Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
