I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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