she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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