Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
