Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
