Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
