i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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