he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
