there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
