about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
