Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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