I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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