When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
