He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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