So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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