Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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