Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
