Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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