Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
