Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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