Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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