Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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