he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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