He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize