I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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