found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize