so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
