i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
