Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
