Duck Duck Cougar?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
