just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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