you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
