I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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