brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Randomize
