I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
