you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
