You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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