it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
