I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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