things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
