So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
