I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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