Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
