I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
