On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
