I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
